Loss and Love
by ladyjane6313
Summary: Post Series 2, Pre-COE. Jack, Ianto and Gwen survived Gray and Capt Hart, but now they're left to pick up the pieces of the city around them, and rebuild, not just the city, but themselves. Rating MA for later scenes!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Thanks for giving this fic a try. I've had it written for a few years, only now I've decided to sit down and get some of it online. Hope you enjoy it, and that it makes sense.**

**LJ**

**Chapter One**

Jack sat and stared. Stared far into the distance beyond the space and time that was Cardiff. He sat on the beat up, saggy leather office chair, behind his equally beat up sturdy, mahogany desk that had been his since he'd taken charge of Torchwood three, years before.

It was at moments like this when Jack took a step back from what was going on in the present to reminisce about the past. When nostalgia like this happened it took a while to come to an end, because there was so much of the past to think back on. At this particular time Jack was thinking about his team. Okay, he was being dishonest with himself. He was thinking about Ianto. In fact, when he thought about it, his thoughts had become very circular, centring only around Ianto recently. Ianto Jones, Assistant to Torchwood 3. 'Teaboy' as Owen had so elegantly put it. Ianto, a member of Jack's team, Jack's lover and friend, in that order. Ianto, one of the only two people left on the planet that meant so much to him.

Jack was really hurting. To find out Owen and then Toshiko had died through mindless acts of war, initiated by Gray, the brother Jack had thought lost so many years before. It was unforgivable. Two young lives, not fully lived, gone with a careless act of malice. But it was forgiven, it had to be; for Gray's sake, for Jack's own sanity. It didn't stop the hurting, as a small, salty tear slid, unnoticed from the corner of Jack's eye, running a silvery trail down his cheek.

This small interlude brought him back to Ianto Jones. Through all the pain, John Hart's deception and Gray's betrayal, Cardiff's destruction, the Doctor; Ianto had been there. He had offered a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen – not that Jack needed an ear as he tended to keep things to himself. Ianto meant everything to Jack. In fact, Jack couldn't really think of a time without him. And when he did there was no joy or love there. Yes, Jack was in love. All the armour he had built around his heart and soul over the decades no longer matter, and however much Jack kept to himself, never sharing himself wholly with one person, he had somewhere down the line, fallen for the Welshman. The only trouble Jack seemed to be having was putting these thoughts and feelings into words. Putting them into gestures wasn't as difficult. Every time Jack had Ianto alone, all to himself he showed him how he felt and what he thought, physically. Words were a completely separate issue.

Jack had spent a lot of time deciding how to go about telling Ianto. It wasn't just a simple matter of "I love you". Simple had never suited Jack. He wanted Ianto to forever remember his declaration, and he wanted to be able to always look back, when Ianto was gone, and know it was one of the best moments of his life.

As that thought drifted away, Jack heard a noise in the hub, waking him from his revere; the sound of the cog door opening, then closing. Looking at his beaten old pocket watch hidden in the depths of his waistcoat it shows 0430 in the morning. The only person that would even think about coming to the Hub that early was Ianto. If Gwen was restless and couldn't sleep she would always wake Rhys and talk things through. Especially now that he knew pretty much all there was to know about Torchwood. If Jack hadn't been so weak to Gwen's reasoning about the retcon, and his romantic side hadn't won out his internal argument then he didn't think Gwen would have been able to cope with all the violence that had come to pass, but Ianto, like himself had no one else to rely on.

Sounds of someone pottering around the kitchen area of the Hub echoed around the cavernous underground building. There was a sound of grounding coffee beans followed by the harsh whoosh of steam. Ianto always knew what Jack wanted before Jack knew he wanted it.

Coffee mugs in hand, Ianto climbed up the metal steps to Jack's office, dressed in one of his usual impeccably smart, tailored three pieced suit. Jack smiled to himself as he realised he'd been waiting for Ianto to come to him since he left the hub last night. God, how he'd missed him. Just thinking of what shirt and tie he would have on today made Jack's smile widen. May today it was –

"Jack?" Ianto's head popped around the door to the office.

"Morning Ianto. Couldn't sleep?"

"No, Sir," Ianto replied as he opened the door further and crossed the office, placing the coffee mug in front of Jack on the desk.

Jack's hand reached out to stop Ianto's from returning to his side. For a moment neither one moved, then Ianto said "Jack?" in a quizzical tone.

"Ianto," Jack replied. There was a long pause.

"Yes?"

"Are you ok?" Jack asked.

"Yes, Sir"

"It's 4.30 in the morning, you can drop the Sir. You know that."

Ianto sighed and gently removed his hand from Jack's grip while manoeuvring into the chair on the other side of Jack's desk.

"I feel asleep last night and had a nightmare. Then I started thinking about Owen and Tosh and… and…," Ianto's eyes started to glisten with unshed tears, and his breathing became a little harsher and shorter.

"Yan, it's ok," Jack knelt down at the side of the chair, "I know it's hard. I miss them too. Probably more than they'd ever have guessed. It's not as if we've really had time to grieve what with putting Cardiff back together, and all the work we need to cover, finding replacements. We need some down time. Some time alone."

Jack reached over to Ianto's thigh to grasp and tangle his fingers with Ianto's. With a squeeze of his hand Jack smiled slightly, more to himself than Ianto.

"It's not just that Jack. Its other things," Ianto said quietly.

"What other things Yan?" questioned Jack.

"It's just –"Ianto stopped and turned his face to look at Jack. The look on Jack's face urged Ianto to say more but he was hesitant, not really wanting to discuss the issue at this time in the morning.

"It's just…," Ianto tried again, "it's just that lately since the day… the day Tosh and Owen…well I've felt that-that we haven't… spent time together. Today's the first time you've held my hand since… and made any indication that you want to be with me apart from sex. I'm feeling-,".

"Ianto I'm so sorry," Jack cut in before Ianto could finish. A wave of shame nearly overwhelmed him. Jack felt so stupid. He had spent so much time working to try to avoid his feelings that Ianto had thought Jack disinterested, instead of just pondering how to confess his love.

"God I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. This has hit us all really hard. I didn't realise..."

Ianto looked Jack straight in the eyes and said "This is a terrible time to question any of this, but… what are we Jack? Can you give me an honest question?"

Still grasping Ianto's hand Jack tugged Ianto until he stood. He pulled Ianto the rest of the way around the table to sit on the edge in front of him. Once Ianto was seated where Jack wanted him he took hold of Ianto's other hand and gently brought both hands to his lips, one by one placing a sweet kiss on the top of each knuckle. Moving his hands back to Ianto's thighs, but still holding his hands Jack started to speak.

"Ianto. All this time, since there's been just the three of us I've been thinking, really hard. You know how much effort that takes," Ianto laughed softly, his watery eyes shining a little but it didn't respond.

Jack continued "Ianto, I've been trying to figure out a way to describe some things I've been feeling. But I haven't found a way to put it in the way I'd like."

A fearful look entered Ianto's eyes "Just tell me Sir, I'd rather know now than-, "

"Ianto," Jack said sharply, "Stop babbling and let me finish!"

"But Jack-,"

"No, Ianto! I've thought of a hundred ways to say what I want and a million ways in which to say them," Jack took a deep breath.

"Ianto what I'm trying to say is…I-I love you, I'm mean I'm in love with you."

The look on Ianto's face nearly broke Jack's heart so he pushed ahead. "Like I said I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I'd tell you, but nothing seemed quite right. I-,"

Jack looked at Ianto, disentangled his hands and stood in front of him. "Say something Ianto. Please!" Jack pleaded, "I need to hear you say something. Even if its 'I never want to see you again' or 'I just want to be friends'. Please let-,".

"I love you too," Ianto responded quietly.

Ianto watched Jack carefully. He watched the emotions cross Jack's face in a way he'd never seen before, and doubted he ever would again. Fear, shocked disbelief, pleasure, excitement and last of all love. All the emotions he'd hoped for so long to see.

Jack reached out, gripped Ianto's shoulder through his suit and pulled him into the curve of his body. Ianto's arms crossed around Jack's waist and his head rested on Jack's shoulder. There they stood holding each other. It didn't matter how much time had passed, it only mattered that they were together.

A sigh released from Ianto's lips and Jack smiled fondly. This was how he should have said it. Pure and simple had always been the best tried and tested method. All the time Jack had spent thinking, and Ianto had been hurting, as he had been trying to deal with his feelings on Tosh and Owen and his love for Ianto and – it should have been like this. Just because Jack didn't do simple didn't mean it didn't suit Ianto. Jack would always remember this moment for all his lifetimes. The feel of Ianto's body against his, his head on Jack's shoulder, arms tightly gripping Jack's back as if, if he let go Jack would disappear. This was perfection, and Jack knew then that Ianto would remember this forever.

Jack placed a tender kiss on Ianto's temple, his hairline, the side of his throat. Not in a sexual way, but in a loving way. Ianto growled a little in pleasure. He loosened his grip on Jack's waist and looked into Jack's eyes.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Ianto?"

"Thank you," and Ianto snuggled back into Jack's blue cotton shirt.

Several minutes passed and still there was silence, both revelling in each other. Then Jack released Ianto's arms from his waist and pulled back, out of the embrace. He had other things he needed to say.

"Ianto, I'm truly sorry I didn't say anything before. I was so concerned about how to tell you, I didn't think that I should just tell you. I'm sorry I let you think that I was pulling away from you – from us. I wouldn't do that!"

Ianto smiled freely and lifted his hand to trail softly down the side of his cheek, where the silent tear had fallen.

"Jack. What matters is you told me."

Jack captured Ianto's hand and turned his very charming but cheeky grin on Ianto.

"Does this mean we're officially a couple then?"

"I believe it does, Sir," Ianto stoically replied, with a beaming smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

As Jack and Ianto started to practice being an 'Official Couple', several miles away, Gwen sat up in bed, wide awake in complete darkness, Rhys' snores quietly comforting her in the background. Like most nights, Gwen's insomnia wasn't because she couldn't sleep, it was because when she closed her eyes she couldn't bare to see the pictures of what she had seen the night Cardiff exploded, flash before her eyes. There were other pictures she didn't want to be reminded of too; Owen and Toshiko. Which was why she sat in bed, awake and unmoving, listening to Rhys snore.

How would she ever forget the look on Tosh's face as she'd taken her last breath? How could she think about Owen and not remember what he had been? Only what he probably looked like alone, knowing his death was moments away. Knowing he hadn't suffered much, like he had the first time he was killed, but that this time he was dead for good. There was no way to bring him back again. According to Jack, there was probably nothing of him left to revive.

Gwen had had to deal with death in the past, it was part of her police force training, but she'd never had to deal with a death of someone who she worked with closely, let alone two of her closest friends. Gwen suddenly remembered the day Rhys had died, a day that technically hadn't happened. The same day Jack had died, almost for good. At the time Gwen's whole world had fallen apart. Rhys was gone, murdered, and then Jack had died, shot by his own employees, his own friends. She had gotten them both back in the end, but the same ending was not going to happen for Tosh or Owen. Gwen had watched as Tosh's life force had disappeared in the blink of an eye, and no human alive or dead could overcome radiation at such intense exposure.

Gwen wept silently. There was no point waking Rhys. He knew about what had happened, Gwen had told him the entire story in broken snatches, accompanied by harsh episodes of tears. Rhys grieved with her, during the funerals and the wakes, countless sleepless nights, until they were both too exhausted to even hold each other. But Rhys' pain had lessened and he had started living again. He had only known them for a few months. Gwen knew he couldn't know how she felt, not really. She was the strong one.

Following the funeral Rhys had watched her spend most of her time in bed grieving for her friends and colleagues. He'd tried to help as best he could. He'd held her but it hadn't mattered to her, nothing had mattered but her pain. He'd tried to get her out of the house, do something to distract her for even a few hours, but when she saw Cardiff still broken she'd sobbed uncontrollably until Rhys had brought her home. Gwen had pleaded with Rhys not to tell Jack. Gwen didn't want Jack to know what she felt. He had too much going on in his life at the moment for him to be worried about her tears. Rhys had argued that Jack could help, but Gwen told him she didn't want to bother him, she could cope alone, with Rhys.

So here she was, trying her best to cope, but without Rhys. The pain and hurt had eventually lessened. She could go to work, help with the clear up operation and weevil hunts, and other things that Torchwood was involved in, but when she came home at night, she fell apart, mostly after Rhys was asleep. She didn't want him to know that she still felt for Tosh and Owen. She wanted to show the world, and those who mattered that she had gone on living her life, but in the dead of night she didn't have to pretend. Once she was alone she felt free to be herself, shedding tears in private for those that had mattered. When she was around Jack, Ianto and Rhys she had to be their rock. They leant on her, and she needed to be there for them. But alone in the dark she was free from that pressure.

Many things had changed since the day Captain John had tried to destroy Cardiff. They hadn't found replacements for Toshiko and Owen. It didn't feel as if enough time had passed to replace them, so they were making do with the knowledge they each possessed. Jack and Ianto hadn't been the same either. The affection between them had waned a little. They had become more strangers than lovers. Whether they were trying their best not to let Gwen feel uncomfortable, or something was really wrong, she couldn't speculate, but she thought maybe she should question Ianto about it later.

Gwen turned to stare at the glaring red digital alarm clock on her bedside table. 5.45 Am. As good a time as any to get up, she supposed. She could head in early and get started on some of those reports she'd been putting off. She took a few deep breaths, and wiped the tears from her eyes with the side of her hands. She leaned over to Rhys' side of the bed and kissed him softly on the cheek. He stirred but continued to sleep.

"I love you so much", Gwen said quietly with feeling, rubbing her hand up and down, from Rhys' shoulder to his wrist lightly enough to leave him undisturbed. Then she got out of bed, showered, dressed, downed a cup of lukewarm coffee and headed to the hub.

The sun had started to make its way above the horizon, the morning sky was bright and clear so she decided to walk instead of take her car. The harbour air would help clear her head and give her some colour instead of the pale complexion she'd had for a while, which would mean less questions when she arrived at work. She set off at a leisurely pace thinking about what needed to be done today.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Gwen walked towards the entrance to the Tourist Office, after deciding against the invisible lift in front of the mirror waterfall. The last time she'd used it, she had gotten more than she'd bargained for...a view of Jack and Ianto in a position she hadn't thought entirely possible for two men. She let herself through the small dingy looking door, unsurprised that the door was unlocked. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, the cog door cranked open and the alarm sounded. Then all was silent. She was continually surprised at how much noise Owen and Tosh had contributed to the Hub. She missed that, the hustle and bustle of Torchwood life. Tosh running algorithmic programs; Owen clattering around in Medical, throwing insults and sarcastic comments in all directions! She knew Tosh listened to every word and tried not the take it personally, though she inevitably did. Love as they said was sometimes blind, especially when it involved Owen. Everyone could see the feelings Tosh had for Owen, and how he'd softened towards her. Unfortunately Owen didn't appear to be as good as seeing the thing right in front of him. Gwen hoped that if there was a place like heaven somewhere, they had both ended up there, and Owen would be able to show Tosh that he had more feelings for her than cynicism and bitterness. She knew he had at one time.

Glancing round Gwen walked to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. No matter what she added to the coffee or how she made it, it was never as good as Ianto's. Maybe he added a special ingredient, but both Gwen and Tosh had searched high and low one afternoon, when Ianto was out with Jack, and they'd turned up nothing. It was strange and they couldn't explain it. Maybe it was the mystery that made the coffee taste so good.

Cup in hand she passed through the hub and switched her computer on, inserting her earpiece at the same time.

"Jack?" Just silence.

"Ianto?" Still nothing.

"Well they've got to be 'round here somewhere. They're usually both in by now," Gwen said to herself. Oh God, she thought. She was going crazy, talking to herself. Ah well! You had to be a little crazy to work here in the first place.

"Jaaack…Iantooo?" Gwen shouted. The sound echoed around the hub and there was a faint screech from the Pterodactyl but nothing else.

There was only one place she hadn't checked. Well, maybe that two places. Gwen mounted the steps hesitantly to the first floor and went to the hothouse. She'd once caught Jack and Ianto in here too, in a very embarrassing, compromising position. She couldn't go in there for days afterwards because she burst into laughter and couldn't stop. The memory brightened Gwen's mood a bit, but when she pushed the door open slowly and poked her head through the opening, with one eye closed there was just plants and unfinished experiments.

Gwen detoured back across the gangway to Jack's office. This was the only other place they could be. Surely they would've text her if there was a hunt of rift activity. They had sensed that she was still a little fragile, and so far she hadn't been allowed to go alone on a mission. It had always been the three of them, or just Jack and Ianto, with Gwen stuck in the Hub manning the computer equipment, most of which were still a mystery to her.

Gwen wanted to knock, but since the trouble in Cardiff Jack had insisted no one knock anymore. Gwen found it odd, but didn't question it. Gwen pushed the door open a bit. Then a little bit more, and only when it was half way open did she stick her head through to peer into the office.

Gwen smiled broadly and stepped the rest of the way into the office. There in the office behind the old desk were Jack and Ianto. Jack sat back in the chair and Ianto sat across his lap. They were holding each other and kissing. There was some passion behind the kiss, but it was buried deep behind tenderness. It made Gwen smile because she knew that they had not shared a moment like this in a while. No wonder they hadn't heard her. They were so wrapped up in each other nothing else registered.

Gwen's emotions tugged, and a tiny drop of jealousy emerged, but she pushed it away. She was glad that Jack had found someone as amazing as Ianto. As much as she used to fantasise about her and Jack being in the same position Ianto and Jack were in now, she had Rhys. Jack and Ianto deserved to have what she and Rhys had. They deserved to love and have someone to come home to at night, and share their day with. She would never begrudge either of them that joy.

As much as Gwen hated to part this show of open affection and love she'd never witnessed between them, she had to eventually.

"Well gentleman, it's been a while since I caught you in a position like this!" Ianto pulled away from Jack quickly. He almost fell off Jack's lap and would have fallen over the arm of the chair onto the floor, had Jack not been holding on tightly.

Jack's face showed surprise and a smug pleasure, Ianto's, shocked embarrassment. He hated it when he was caught doing something he shouldn't be doing, especially not at work. In the boss's office, with the boss. Ianto had turned a bright shade of crimson red for his embarrassment, and Jack touched his fingertips lightly to Ianto's cheek.

"And before you ask, I'd rather not be a part of any naked hide and seek you might be contemplating starting. As entertaining as I'm sure it would be, it'd be a little unfair to Ianto."

"Unfair to Ianto? How so?" asked Jack confused.

"I'm really good at naked hide and seek," Gwen announced, Jack and Ianto burst into laughter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Ianto was in danger of falling off Jack's lap again because he and Jack were laughing so hard. Gwen had joined in the laughter, it felt good to be able to laugh and actually feel a little happy. Jack recovered first and tightened his hold on Ianto. Gwen saw him pull Ianto slightly closer, taking it as a subtle indication that once Ianto recovered he should stay where he was.

"Morning Gwen," Ianto said, finding it hard to catch his breath.

"Morning Ianto. I take it you two are back to normal then?"

"What do you mean? Normal?" said Jack. He hadn't thought his thoughtlessness had been seen by Gwen.

"I may be a little slow Jack but I'm not blind. I've noticed something has been off with you two for some time. But it's not my place to question what goes on between the two of you. Even if I had said something, neither of you would have told me anything, so I kept quiet."

Ianto became slightly uncomfortable about the current line of questioning and struggled to maintain some dignity on Jack's lap. Ianto was a little taken aback with Gwen's observation. He hadn't thought she had noticed anything unusual about his relationship with Jack. How was it possible that Gwen had seen something wasn't right and yet Jack had been seemingly oblivious to it. Jack let Ianto have his way, once he struggled again, and let him move. He was pleased that Ianto took up the chair next to Jack, the one he had vacated earlier.

Although he had compromised on the seating arrangements, Jack was unwilling to leave Ianto completely alone, so he settled for reaching across the space between the chairs to hold Ianto's hand. He felt some of Ianto's animosity to what Gwen said and knew he was to blame.

To distract Ianto from his discomfort, Jack lightly traced his thumb over the veins on Ianto's wrist, trailing down to follow the lines that spread out across Ianto's palm. After a minute or two Jack felt the tension leave Ianto, at which point he looked at Gwen again.

She had now come over the threshold of his office door, and had taken up her vigil standing next to one of the wall posts, resting against it. Holding her coffee in both hands she focused her eyes down cast as if trying to find the answer to something in the reflection of her steaming beverage.

"Gwen…," said Jack, who stopped mid-sentence when he felt the pressure of Ianto fingers squeeze against his. Jack looked at Ianto and realised he wanted to give Gwen the civilised answer to her unasked question.

"Gwen," Ianto continued, giving Jack a small smile.

"Things _have_ been a little strained around the office. But everything's are back to normal now. I promise you won't catch us again anytime soon," Gwen smiled at Ianto and took a sip of her drink.

"But if you ever want to let us in on how good you really are at playing naked hide and seek, you know where to find us. Ianto could use some tips," said Jack playfully.

Gwen blushed slightly and avoided looking at either of them directly. "Ok then, I'd better go get started on some work," she said quietly and disappeared as silently as she had arrived.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five **

It was a long while later when Ianto descended the steps. Now there was only the three of them it was harder to sneak around without being noticed, Gwen thought. She'd have to start paying less attention to the whereabouts of her colleagues.

She watched as Ianto tried his best to smooth down his hair and straightened his suit jacket. He always had to be impeccably dressed; no matter if he was wearing blood or alien intestines, he always looked good in his suit.

Ianto walked past the rift activity monitor, paused a minute to type something into the keyboard, then continued to walk on. He'd been pretending not to notice Gwen had been watching him since he left Jack's office.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"It's ok Gwen. I was just finding it hard to deal… to know you'd spotted what was going on and Jack didn't. It got to me, it hurts. How could Jack not see what…I just didn't want to be reminded."

"Oh, Ianto!" Gwen moved forward to hug Ianto. Although his demeanour screamed 'DO NOT TOUCH', she knew that he needed some human contact, just to know that someone was there for him when he felt like he needed to talk it through with anyone other than Jack. Ianto did not move as Gwen's arms were thrown around him. After a minute Ianto returned the embrace, then just as quickly he pulled himself free.

"So what's been going on since you came in this morning? Any rift activity or suspicious goings on we need to be aware of?" Sensing Ianto needed some normality Gwen pretended that their hug moment had existed.

"Nothing of interest. A couple who thought they saw a spaceship but it turned out to be a new design of helicopter UNIT were trying out, and there were a couple of weevils running around, but they seem to have disappeared back to the sewers."

"That's good then… well I think I'll head up to the tourist office. Give it a sort through. I've been neglecting it lately. Busy doing other things," Gwen saw raw emotion reflected in his eyes for a fraction of a second, then it vanished as if it had never been there. Gwen decided not to push him about what she had seen and turned back to her computer. If he wanted to talk about it then he would, given time. Ianto started and realised he had been stood for a while and Gwen had disappeared. He went to call out something to Gwen but thought better of it, and headed to the cog door and up the stairs to the tourist office.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Ianto spent the next several hours organising brochures and ordering up to date information, not that there'd be many tourists after what had happened. The memory of watching the skyline burn a crimson red saddened him. Since Cardiff's devastation, buildings worst hit by explosion and fire had been pulled down. Bodies had been uncovered from the rubble, but most were unrecognisable, just detached limbs or torsos. Distraught families grieved for their loved ones and a list of the missing had been complied. Many people would never be able to lay their relations to rest, never be able to have closure over what had happened. For those families all they could do was support each other and try to live each day as it came.

As busy as Ianto was his mind cast him back to his life before Cardiff, with Lisa and how it was shattered with her death, then later when Jack had almost died forever, then disappeared for months on end. Through both experiences Ianto had loved each person fully, although now he realised that loving Lisa was a precursor to loving Jack. The love he felt for Jack was all consuming, full of passion and fire, understanding and unity, which held great depth. Now that he knew Jack returned those feelings he felt like he could face the end of the world, but it also scared him more than he wanted to admit.

Loving Jack conflicted with many of his internal systems, but the parts that weren't conflicted weighted more heavily. Jack was the kind of person that could attract anyone, including blue insect-like humanoids, or so he'd been told. There was a fear that ran deep within Ianto that knew that Jack would leave. It was inevitable. But now it wasn't a question of if, but when. He'd done it once before and it had devastated Ianto, but somehow he'd gotten through it. He didn't remember a lot of those lonely months, but he knew that if Jack went away again, he wouldn't be as strong as the first time. Ianto didn't like to feel powerless and out of control. Jack's love had both empowered him and stripped away his control of a situation he knew would come. If the Doctor, the person Jack had mentioned many times, but never elaborated on, came to Earth and took Jack away again then it would all come to an end.

Talking to Jack about it didn't help. Jack never listened when Ianto tried to express his thoughts and feelings about the future. He just said he would never leave him. Ianto was beyond believing that sentence. With everything else Ianto trusted Jack with his heart and soul.

Ianto was upsetting himself by this path of thinking. Looking at his watch he saw that it was nearly lunchtime. Instead of calling through to Gwen and Jack and disturbing them from work that desperately needed completing, Ianto let himself out of the tourist office, and locked it behind him, before heading across the Plas towards a small café where they usually purchased lunch. Both Jack and Gwen were creatures of habit, like himself, and always tended to have the same sandwich filling each day of the week, though he doubted they realised it. Ianto walked along the promenade and opened the café door for a mother of three toddlers. She smiled thankfully at Ianto as one of the children screamed out because her brother had pulled her hair. As he walked to the counter the server clocked him and set off to make his usual order.

"Beef and piccalilli on white, chicken salad on brown and ham and cheese toastie with extra cheese on whole-wheat Ianto?" shouted the server from the kitchen.

"Yeah, the usual Mag. Could I also get two danishes and an apple please?"

"Yeah sure, help yourself. I'll be out in a minute."

Ianto retrieved the apple and Danish pastries from the glass containers on the counter surface, setting them next to the till. Ianto looked around the café. There were a small number of tables for patrons, but most seemed to be empty as it wasn't quite time for the midday rush. Minutes later Mag returned with Ianto's order.

"It's been a while since you visited in person. Been busy?" asked Mag.

"Yeah, we've been very busy lately. More so than ever, but we're coping."

"That's good. I always prefer busy to having nothing to do. Boredom gives you too much time to think."

"Yes, you're right," said Ianto absently, "well I'd better be getting these back to the office. Chances are they'll be ravenous by the time I get back."

Ianto paid for his purchases and walked back to the hub. The weather on the bay was cool enough to warrant a brisk pace back to base. On the way back he analysed the conversation he'd just had. When he was physically busy, moving furniture, chasing after aliens or lugging files to Archive he was past thinking his mind took a break. But when he was catching up on paperwork, or scanning the rift his mind switched on, and he thought. Sometimes he wished that he could just turn off his bloody mind, but he loved Jack and he needed to start making the most of their time together.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

On arriving back at the hub, Ianto took the lift down to the basement. Walking directly to Gwen's desk he dropped off her beef and piccalilli sandwich with one of the Danishes and scribbled a quick note saying that they would be in the conference room, if she wanted to join them. Since there were three of them, they'd started taking meal together, instead of at their desks. Although all of them used to do it when they were working through the night and needed a break from work, Jack had insisted that they should take lunch, and even dinner together and not working at their desks. They deserved the time together to forget work, and have a rest even for a short time.

Ianto made his way up to Jack's office, knocked on the door and walked straight in. Jack was immersed in a report Ianto vaguely remembered sticking on his desk yesterday. Something about the rift manipulator, if he wasn't mistaken. Ianto walked up to Jack's desk and placed the food down on the only corner of the desk which was not being taken up by the explosion of paperwork and folders littering it. He walked behind the desk and behind Jack, looking out the small square window to make sure Gwen wasn't anywhere nearby. He didn't enjoy making public shows of affection, it wasn't something he did very often, well, not since Lisa anyway.

Jack still hadn't noticed Ianto was in the room.

With a grin to himself Ianto placed his hands on either side of the back of Jack's chair. He leaned forward and placed his lips on the edge of Jack's earlobe, and started to nibbled. Jack was so oblivious to anything other than his report that he jumped up in shock, knocking Ianto's chin with the side of his head, and forcing Ianto back two or three steps away plunging him into the wall behind him. Jack realised it was Ianto a little too late and when he quickly spun round in his chair to see the damage he'd caused, he saw Ianto's hand go to his mouth and come away bloody.

"Ianto I'm sorry. I didn't hear you come in," said Jack a little shocked.

"Obviously Sir," he mumbled around his split lip. Jack had managed to smash Ianto's lips against his teeth which had caused a rather large cut on the inside of his mouth, and bust part of the edge of his bottom lip, which refused to stop bleeding.

"Come here, let me have a look," said Jack, embarrassed and more than a little disturbed, as he realised what he'd done.

"Its fine, I'll sort it out," Ianto tried to move away from Jack to the nearby bathroom, but Jack refused to move.

"Don't be like that. It was an accident. You know I'd never do anything like this intentionally," said Jack. He pouted slightly, not realising what he looked like. Ianto was trying to stem the blood with his hand, but it was starting spread over his fingers and into his hand.

Ianto sighed. It was at times like this he could murder Jack. Here he was trying to make a loving gesture, and Jack goes and spoils it. He didn't just spoil it, but had caused Ianto to lose what looked like a lot of blood from his mouth.

Jack rose from his chair slowly and took a step towards Ianto, effectively blocking him in. He reached for the tie knotted at Ianto's throat. His eyes never leaving Ianto's, Jack loosened the knot and slid the rest of the tie out from under the shirt collar. As there was plenty of blood on the tie now as it had slid free of Ianto's fingers and hand, and he knew that it was ruined anyway Jack thought to use the edges of the tie to put pressure of the wound to try to stem the bleeding.

Ianto's eyes slid from Jack's as he removed the tie, a pained expression entering his eyes. He didn't like the look of what Jack was doing. Just as Jack moved his hand up to Ianto's chin, his fingers reaching for Ianto's mouth, Ianto's hand reached up quickly to stop him.

"After causing me bodily harm, Jack Harkness, you are _not_ going to use my favourite tie to stop the blood that you caused," Ianto said aggressively, "not even if hell froze over, which I'm sure it has in your lifetime. Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of silk? There's no need to add insult to injury."

"Ok,…I'm sorry," said Jack, pulling his wrist from Ianto's grip, "use this then."

Jack backed away from Ianto, away from his desk and towards the porthole in the floor. He pulled it open, then stood back and gestured for Ianto make his way down. Hesitantly Ianto moved towards the hole in the floor.

Ianto climbed down to Jack's personal quarters, trailing blood that was steadily slowing, though still on his hands. Bypassing Jack, Ianto marched straight to the bathroom. He knew where to find what he needed, but he knew that he would never get the blood out of his tie down here; he'd have to soak it in cold water and make sure he worked on it when he got home. Jack hadn't followed him, which he was grateful for. Once Ianto had given the same attention to his shirt and changed into one of the shirts he kept in Jack's quarters, Ianto made his way back through the hatch to see Jack sat back at his desk. Jack hadn't spotted his sandwich and had gone back to working on his report, or so Ianto thought.

Hearing Ianto's footsteps Jack looked up from the report. "I'm really sorry…I don't know what else I can say," said quietly Jack. He couldn't look Ianto in the eyes for fear of exactly what damaged he had inflicted. He was upset with himself that he'd hurt Ianto and didn't know what to do about. He'd never really been in this kind of awkward situation before.

"It's ok, Jack…I forgive you." Ianto realised that although he had been angry with Jack, it was more that when he'd tried to show Jack something of the love he felt, Jack had ruined it. Ianto moved stealthily across the office to sit across Jack's thighs again, as he had earlier. As he settled down comfortably, wiggling his backside a little to create a spot for himself, Ianto contemplated Jack's recent behaviour.

He'd begun to show a vulnerable side that had never been present before now. It was possible that it was connected to Jack being buried alive for thousands of years. Ianto didn't know how he had survived so well, emotionally. Such a traumatic event should have changed Jack's personality drastically, but so far he didn't seem to be suffering too badly. It was early days yet though. He was the same flirtatious Jack, but time alone to think and contemplate in the seconds between coming back to life and being buried alive again might have adjusted Jack's emotional boundaries. It certainly seemed that he was increasingly vulnerable and more easily affected by what others said. Especially those he cared for.

Jack's arms tightened around Ianto, his head buried in his shoulder, waking him from his contemplation. Ianto placed a chaste kiss on Jack's forehead and reached behind him to loosen Jack's arms. There was work to be done. As Ianto grabbed hold of Jack's wrists, the leather wrist strap Jack continuously wore beeped. Once, twice, three times. There was an incoming message. This shocked both Ianto and Jack. Ianto had only heard the wrist strap beep twice before, and both times it had been Captain John Hart. Thinking about John hurt them both for differently reasons.

Ianto stood and moved out of Jack's path so he could stand. Ianto felt anxious that this activity of the wrist strap could mean danger. Jack pointed his wrist across the desk towards the open space of his office. He pressed one of the buttons and a pale blue beam of light flashed from it, with a holographic image embedded into it. Both men were astonished at the vision in front of them. It was not Captain John. It was a man Ianto had never seen set eyes on, and a man Jack knew only too well.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

"Doctor?" hesitated Jack, speaking to the pale blue light beam.

"Doctor? You mean…_the_ Doctor? _Your Doctor?_" stuttered Ianto in disbelief.

"Is this thing on? Oh! Hi there Jack. Long time no see. I was in the neighbourhood and thought I'd drop by. Well not so much, drop by as take a short break from the time travelling...you know how it is. I've got someone I want you to meet. She's very nice, you'll love her, and before you ask, no we're not a couple. Seems to be the question everyone's asking at the minute. I don't know why! It's not as if we act like a couple, but…hmmm… who knows. Anyway, like I said we're going to be dropping by in Cardiff, and I thought you could give Donna the grand tour. She's never been to Cardiff before. Oh! That's her name by they way. Donna, Donna Noble. See you later," and with that the Doctor image wavered and disappeared out of existence with a small pop.

"Well, same old Doctor, "said Jack suddenly happier than he'd been in a long time. This was definitely a turn for the books. The Doctor contacting Jack? Who'd have thought it? Jack was thrilled. A large grin transformed his face.

"I guess so…so he's coming for a visit…that should be nice then," Ianto was at a loss for words. His worst case scenario, the thing he had always feared would happen had just happened. Part of him was a jealous just one hologram of the Doctor had put a blinding smile on Jack's face, but mostly he was fearful of what he knew would come; Jack disappearing with the Doctor for a second time.

As if sensing what Ianto felt, Jack grabbed Ianto's hand, squashing it with his and pulled him towards him in a hug.

"I won't leave you Ianto. Not again! He'll come and visit, then go back into the Tardis and disappear into time and space."

"I'm not-"

"You are! I'm not the kind of man to declare his love for someone one minute, then disappear with another man the next. You should know me better than that by now!"

Jack didn't let Ianto get another word in, for fear of getting angry.

"We'd better let Gwen know we're going to have guests soon," Jack let go of Ianto's hand, turning his back and walking out of his office. As he walked, to give them both some space he reached into his trouser pocket for his earpiece and called Gwen.

"Where are you Gwen? There's something I need to talk to you about."

"I'm in the conference room," she responded, "where you two should have been about 20 minutes ago for lunch," retorted Gwen, annoyed.

"Lunch? Is that the time? We'll be down in a minute," replied Jack.

"Ianto!" shouted Jack, "apparently its lunchtime and Gwen's waiting for us in the conference room."

Now Jack knew he was jealous, and had go about trying to allay his fears, all Ianto could do was go to lunch, and hope this crushing sense of foreboding didn't happen. Grabbing Jack's sandwich off the desk he followed in Jack's wake to the conference room.

Jack was in mid-conversation when he arrived, telling Gwen all about their surprise caller. That was another thing Ianto had noticed since Jack's return. He had a tendency to ramble. Ianto had a feeling that this was another consequence of Gray's punishment. Buried alive, constantly gasping for breath between deaths, soil blocking out any sound of the people he knew were above ground.

Gwen had been sitting quietly through Jack's excited account of the goings on in his office, only now did she speak up.

"So this is the person who lured you away?" asked Gwen bitterly, a dark look on her face, looking in Ianto's direction for confirmation, "the person who you left us to be with?"

"Yeah, one and the same," Jack replied slowly, the smile on his face being replaced by a frown, "but don't I get points for coming back? Haven't I apologised enough or gone through enough to qualify for forgiveness?" Jack stretched his arms out wide, encompassing the conference room.

"It was a mistake to leave. I had a whole year to think about how wrong I was to disappear as I did, and leave you, both of you. I can never explain what I felt every minute of every day of that year, and how I hoped it was all a dream. But it wasn't! As much as I needed to see the Doctor again, after so long, I knew that this was where I belonged. As much as I needed the Doctor, I knew I needed you more, and I've never been more thankful than when I returned here to see you again. Even if I did have to save your asses!"

Gwen sat through Jack's confession, while Ianto stood stock still in the doorway. It was the closest he had ever come to telling them what had gone on after he'd disappeared. Both were confused about his reference to a missing year, as he had only been missing for three months, but they didn't question him about it. None of what Jack said explained exactly what had happened, but they both realised how much Jack had missed them, and his regret over choosing to leave.

"We did forgive you Jack, we do," Gwen shared a look with Ianto and continued, "we just wish you'd told us you were leaving, instead of us worrying for months. We searched for weeks without success. We were distraught, all of us. We took it in turns to continue the search 24 hours a day," Gwen continued emotionally. Just thinking back on losing Jack made Gwen's eyes swim with tears, she daren't look at Ianto in case he had the same look on his face.

"Ianto hardly slept. None of us did. He didn't leave the hub, fearing you'd return and no one would be waiting. We have no idea what you went through when you were away, but you have no idea what we went through to find you."

"Is this true Ianto? This is how you both feel?" Jack asked quietly.

"Yes Jack. I didn't mention it before because it was never the right time, and I learned to live with it, learned not to question it. But you never asked us how we'd coped while you were gone. Never once. You know I love you. I did then, but it hurt us Jack. It hurt me. Now that the reason you disappeared has come back. I… He took you away from me once. I don't want him to get the opportunity to do it a second time," Ianto's voice dropped to a whisper, "I couldn't take you leaving again Jack."

Tears ran down Gwen's face as she listened to the hurt and abandonment that echoed in Ianto's voice. She knew he'd been upset, but she didn't know he'd felt like this. Jack didn't move a muscle, his face had gone deathly pale. Ianto moved to embrace him, to try to soften his word, but Jack stepped to one side to avoid the caress.

"I can't believe that given what I said before, you still don't trust me," Jack's voice was a hushed whisper. He looked at Ianto, not quite meeting his eyes. His whole expression shattered, Jack slowly and quietly walked past Ianto and Gwen out of the conference room, completely forgetting his lunch.

Gwen looked on in horror at the change between Jack 10 minutes ago and now. What had they done?

Ianto didn't know what to do. He'd never confronted Jack like that before. Arguments had certainly never ended like that, ever. Jack usually ended up angry, spitting mad in some cases. Ianto was generally angry too, but tried hard not to let it show. Never had they argued and both been in tears while one had walked out without so much as a raised word.

Something was drastically wrong. Jack was worse off than Ianto thought. He never walked away from a fight. Ianto moved to follow him but Gwen said, "Don't Ianto. We need to calm down and give him some space. We're all hurting. I think we need to give Jack some space. We'll give him a couple of hours to cool off then we'll check on him, make sure he's ok," wiping the tears from her eyes, Gwen rose from her chair and patted Ianto on the shoulder.

Ianto didn't know what to say. He walked out of the conference room and up to the tourist office. He knew Gwen was right. As much as he didn't like what was going on he knew they both needed some space.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

A few hours later and Ianto gave up the pretence of working. He hadn't gotten much done. Shuffled a few papers, filed a few folders in Archive. He hadn't stopped thinking about the argument he'd had with Jack. It hadn't even been a real argument. On reflection maybe this had been building for a while. Ianto had never spoken up about what had happened after Jack's disappearance. And when Jack had returned months later, Ianto felt too happy to mention how he'd suffered while Jack had been gone. He may have made Jack beg for a date, but only because they'd never been out on one. Maybe that undercurrent of unresolved feelings had contributed to the discontentment before Jack had confessed his love.

Ianto left the Archives and walked as quickly as he could to Jack's office, without it looking like he was in a hurry. He climbed the stairs and knocked hesitantly. When there was no answer Ianto walked in. Unlike earlier his chair was empty, there was no Jack. Ianto called out, but there was no answer. Ianto went through the porthole in the floor and climbed down the ladder, just in case Jack was down there and couldn't hear him.

"Jack?" the hidden living quarters were empty, just like the office. Something tugged at the back of Ianto's mind and made him start to worry. He made his way back up the stairs, out of the office, and back down into the Hub hoping to catch a glimpse of Jack. When he reached the lab he grabbed an earpiece from the nearby table and called Jack. There was just static. Ianto called Gwen.

"Is he with you?"

Gwen didn't pretend to misunderstand.

"No. I had to nip home for a while, and I didn't see him before I left. If he's not at the Hub where could he be? Are you sure you didn't overlook somewhere?"

"I don't know but I'm starting to worry. What if he's gone? What if what we said to him made him leave again? What if I pushed him away Gwen? Pushed him too far? What am I going to do?" The words escaped in a jumbled mess but Gwen understood what they meant.

"Calm down Ianto! We'll find him. He wouldn't leave, not over something like this. He definitely won't have left because of what _we_ said. Deep down you know I'm right."

"But-,"

"_We'll find him!"_

Two hour went by and there was still no sign of Jack. Ianto and Gwen had searched all the high-rise buildings they could think of in the city. They'd split up and Gwen had gone North, with Ianto taken the South. They'd tried to call Jack on his mobile phone, but kept getting his voicemail. Either Jack had his phone turned off, which was a big probability or he didn't have signal, which would mean he was out of the city.

The sun was just setting over the horizon when they returned to the Hub. Gwen was feeling cold, hungry and a little angry at Jack that he'd disappeared without a trace again after what they had told him.

Ianto felt very guilt, he couldn't think about food and had started to go numb from the inside out at the loss he felt for Jack.

They arrived at the cog door, walked through it greeted by the sound of the alarm, and there stood Jack. He was covered in pterodactyl droppings, his hair was all over the place and he looked a little sweaty, but very masculine. He had faded dark blue work overalls on, and a metal spade slung over his left shoulder. His muscles bulged slightly proving that whatever he'd been doing had been physically demanding.

Ianto had a sudden urge to run to him and throw himself at Jack, but when he saw the pterodactyl droppings, he had second thoughts. He'd already gone through one suit today, and as much as he loved Jack, he wasn't going to sacrifice another one.

Gwen was initially angry, her face was a small thundercloud but relieved to see him safe and well. Seeing the droppings, she still asked the obvious question, "Jack! Where have you been?"

"I needed time to think. It's been a long time since I've spent any time with my favourite dinosaur, so I thought I'd help out and clean up." Myfanwy suddenly flew out of her nest, and around the hub screeching a noise that sounded like a thank you, then shot out into the Cardiff night sky.

"Where's your phone Jack? Comms? We've been trying to contact you for hours. We thought…," Ianto hiccupped with emotion, "we thought you'd decided to leave for good."

"I already told you, I needed time to think," said Jack defensively.

Jack thought to take a step towards his lover and friend, then thought better of it. Being covered in crap wasn't the best way to apologise.

"Give me ten minutes to clean up and we'll talk. Grab a drink and meet me at on the sofa. Both of you."

Jack threw his gazed to Ianto's and said "And Ianto?"

"Yes Jack?"

"Please could I have a cup of your amazing coffee?"

"Yes sir"

Jack sauntered off for a shower with a smile, leaving the others to their own devices.

Gwen turned to Ianto leading him to the sofa.

"I told you he wouldn't have gone again. You've got to start trusting him Ianto. He loves you. He's not going to throw that away for a trip to god knows where. You owe him more than that. We both do. He at least deserves to know we trust him."

"You're right Gwen."

"Let's head to the kitchen and make those drinks."

The domestic task of making coffee helped Ianto focus his thoughts.

Jack was just making his way down his office steps as a calmer Ianto and Gwen exited the kitchen. When they all reached the sofa, Ianto handed Jack his cup of coffee and proceeded to sit as far away as he could. He needed to keep his distance from Jack, just in case. Ianto had built a small protective wall around his heart while he was in the kitchen, in preparation of anything Jack might say that could destroy him. Sitting too close to Jack would destroy that wall and make him all the more vulnerable if Jack attacked. It was a safety precaution.

Jack took the seat on Gwen's left. He noticed where Ianto sat, sticking Gwen between them. He cleared his throat and sipped his coffee. He looked around, first at Gwen, meeting her eyes for a second then at Ianto. Try as he might, Ianto refused to look at him, preferring to stare into his cup. Jack didn't quite know if what he said would convince Ianto of his faithfulness to staying here in Cardiff forever. But he had to try.

"I apologise. I wasn't feeling myself. I apologise for only thinking about myself when I left to travel with the Doctor. And I apologise for never once asking any of you how you'd gotten through things without me. I was selfish. I'm trying to change that. I know I don't deserve to have you look out for me and care for me, even love me," Jack looked pointedly towards Ianto, who was now looking at a point in the middle of Jack's chest, still refusing eye to eye contact. Not what Jack wanted but it was progress.

"I'm sorry I walked away today and you couldn't find me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was, and you had to spend hours looking for me in the cold. I'm sorry I can't tell you everything you want or need to know. That's something I can't really change. But I will make you a promise," Jack placed his hand over his heart, "I, Captain Jack Harkness, promise, from this day forward, to always carry a mobile phone, and make sure it's on, and I will try not to keep things so secretive anymore."

Jack's moving apology had Gwen setting down her coffee, leaning over the sofa and hugging Jack. She pulled back before Jack could return the hug, gently grasped his face with both hands, and pulling his face towards her, kissed him lightly on the lips.

"That may be the most apologies I've ever heard you offer. Just in future let us know. You've never had a problem with turning your phone on before," Gwen offered a smile to soften the rebuke.

"I've got to head home to Rhys, but I'll see you in the morning."

Gwen stood, "Okay?" she asked. She looked at both men, still seated, who agreed and nodded simultaneously, and she headed for the exit.

"See you in the morning Gwen," Ianto said to Gwen's retreating back. As the alarm sounded and the cog wheeled closed, Jack turned to stare at Ianto.

Ianto was determinedly not looking at Jack. He felt Jack's stare burn his face, but still unwilling to look up, Ianto got out of his chair and went about collecting the finished-with crockery. Carrying them to the kitchen, Jack quietly followed Ianto. Ianto could feel that his shield became more dented with the increased time he and Jack spent alone together. He hadn't heard Jack follow him until he turned and saw him.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Jack asked quietly, his tone lacked accusation. Ianto still wouldn't look at him and hadn't said a word to him since he'd come back from his office. He leaned back against the cabinet behind him, making sure that there was enough room between them so Ianto didn't feel crowded. Better for him to feel safe, like Jack wasn't going to jump him and beg for forgiveness.

Ianto could see, out of the corner of his eye that Jack looked composed with his arms crossed over his chest.

A deep sigh sounded from Ianto. He knew that he couldn't carry on with the silent treatment as it would be so long before Jack tried to force Ianto to talk. Sooner or later they were going to have to have this conversation. All he could do was apologise for thinking the worse of Jack, and hope that Jack would understand and be able to forgive him. Maybe it was time to confess, thought Ianto, it's the only way Jack will be able to comprehend where he was coming from.

"I thought what I'd said had driven you to leave. Well I guess in a way it did," Ianto tried to be nonchalant about it, but was unsuccessful. Jack opened his mouth, but Ianto held up a hand, staunching any response.

"When I couldn't find you or get in contact with you I panicked. My mind jumped to the most logical conclusion. You'd gone because of what _I'd_ said. I'm sorry Jack. I try to trust you, I do, but so many people have left me over the years it's hard to break what's ingrained in me."

Ianto turned back to the sink, away from Jack's stare. He paused for a minute gathering the strength to continue. He'd never told anyone what he was about to tell Jack. Even Lisa hadn't known. Confessing such an old secret didn't come easy, but Ianto had to.

"Answer me one question. How do I go about trusting people won't leave me, when that's what people have done all my life? My mum died giving birth to me. I know that wasn't my fault, I couldn't have changed it, but she still left me when I'd barely met her. My dad left me on mum's parents doorstep when I was eight months old. He couldn't help but feel a little bit of disgust towards me because I was the reason his wife was dead. My grandparents moved out to a small town in the middle of the country when I was 13, leaving everyone I'd ever known. I was devastated, but again, I was alone. Then at 15 my grandparents died in a car accident coming back from a rare night out. It was a massive blow. They had been the only influences in my life, but they suddenly died and I was left to fend for myself. My grandparents had left me in the care of a family friend, but they didn't know me, they saw me as a burden, even though they were kind to me, so when I turned 18 I left to make my own way in the world. I travelled to London, in time I enrolled at Torchwood London.

"I met Lisa, and for the first time I thought I had found the one person who would stay in my life forever, and never leave me. But I lost her. Not just once, but twice. She lost a piece of herself when she was converted, but for the most part she was still the person I loved, and who loved me. Then I moved to Cardiff, to find you and force you to take me on here. After Lisa had died, I didn't know if I would ever see the light that life had to offer, but you showed it to me. You made me believe in people again. You made me trust you, and just when I started to feel safe with you, you went and died and for days we didn't know if you'd ever come back. Then you were alive and breathing again, and it was the most wondrous thing I'd ever seen. You were back and I'd been given another chance to love someone. I really loved you then, but feared saying anything. 24 hours later the Doctor arrived and not two minutes since you'd come back to life you had gone again. For 3 months Jack, 3 months we searched...tirelessly. Finally you returned, and before I know it Tosh and Owen are gone. How can I break a habit of a lifetime Jack? A lifetime of trying to protect myself from the people I loved because they would eventually leave. Tell me Jack! TELL ME!" Ianto demanded.

Jack cringed hearing the pain in Ianto's voice. Jack knew a little of what Ianto had told him from reading his personnel folder, but he didn't know many of the details. He could never have known what Ianto had felt. But now Ianto had explained his hurt Jack could begin to understand and rectify the situation.

Jack immediately regretted his earlier harsh words about trust, but couldn't take them back. Clearly Ianto had tried to put aside his misgivings about his past when he'd moved from London, but events that had taken place since his arrival at Torchwood Cardiff had pushed Ianto's hidden boundaries. Without meaning to Jack had really wounded Ianto, and suddenly he didn't know if his love would help heal the breach.

Jack could only give Ianto a promise that he would always try to be there for him. He needed to make a conscious effort to be available for Ianto. But he didn't know if he could say the right thing that would make Ianto believe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Jack did the only thing that came naturally to him and slowly stepped, across the space that separated them. With Ianto's back facing Jack, and so he didn't shock him, Jack placed his hands on either side of Ianto's neck, trailing them across his shoulders and down his arms, firm grip but tender. Jack felt tension Ianto's entire body, wound as tight as a bow. Reaching Ianto's wrists, Jack slid his hands onto Ianto's hips and round to his stomach. Once there he linked his hands together. At first Jack's hold was loose, but when Ianto made no effort to release himself Jack tightened his hold a little.

After a long time of just being held Jack felt the tension seep away from his partner's body.

Jack spoke in low tones, "I'm sorry. I didn't know. Apart from Lisa, I really didn't know anything about your childhood."

"How is that possible? Torchwood knows everything, access all areas. I'm sure it's written in my personnel file," Ianto said sarcastically.

"There are…sketchy details, but I didn't know the full story until just now. God, top your childhood off with meeting Lisa and me, and you've had a really tough time," Jack's voice resonated through Ianto's chest causing him to have goose bumps.

"If you still want to work here, work with me, be with me, then we'll take this a day at a time. I realise I need to work on building your trust and I know it won't happen overnight. If, on the other hand, you feel you can no longer work with me or that you could never learn to trust me, then I understand. I promise that if you decide to leave I won't use the retcon. As selfish as it sounds, I wouldn't want you to forget me or the love I feel for you."

Jack drifted off and thought about a future without Ianto. He couldn't picture it. It was a desolate world filled with nothing but passing time.

Ianto's shield had taken a battering so far, and as Jack said 'love I feel for you', it crumbled. Ianto didn't want to lose him. As much as he had issues with trust, he wouldn't voluntarily give up Jack. Jack was his life now, and he needed to cherish each moment he spent with him. Toshiko and Owen had proved that life was too short to not value each minute he had.

Ianto moved and Jack let his grip fall away from Ianto's waist. Ianto turned, and with a small smile he kissed Jack. Light kisses, barely just a touch the each lip, then it became passionate and heated, but unlike all the times before, Ianto was in charge. He set the pace and Jack followed. Jack could give Ianto that. At one point Ianto tested Jack by giving him control over the kissing, but Jack refused to take it. He just followed Ianto's lead, never trying to rush things, always staying one step behind.

Suddenly Ianto wanted to be aggressive, he wanted to force Jack to do what he wanted, and not have enough of his brain cells working to try and stop it. Every once in a while Jack would take an aggressive role in their love making, and they'd end up having brutal sex. Owen would've been shocked if he'd found out what his medical table had been used for. Then again so would the others. There wasn't any place in the hub that they hadn't used once or twice.

Ianto walked Jack backwards, kissing him open mouthed. I wonder what he'll think of this, thought Ianto. Tongues tasting tongues, lips nibbling, biting and sucking, raising the heat within them both. Hands gripped, groped and in one case ripped at clothes and skin. Jack had never seen Ianto take the initiative like this. It was exciting and very un-Ianto-like.

Ianto put his hands on Jack's chest, opened one of his eyes to judge the distance between Jack and the kitchen units behind him, and pushed Jack with all the force he could muster. Jack stumbled back, his arms flailing, eyes wide with shock. His back slammed into the corner of the kitchen work unit and he grunted in pain, but smiled broadly at Ianto who had followed Jack across the kitchen area. Jack really was loving this.

Ianto swiftly held Jack hard against the kitchen cabinet with his body, while he plundered his mouth savagely. Jack returned the kiss with equal fervour.

The earlier groping session had managed to get Jack's shirt open, minus a couple of buttons, and Ianto now grabbed it by the collar, and pulled it off Jack's shoulders and down his arms until he had trapped Jack's wrists in the cuffs of the shirt, effectively rendering him unable to move his upper body.

Jack wore a tight, white t-shirt under his shirt. Keeping Jack's wrists trapped, Ianto explored Jack's chest through the t-shirt. He stroked in lazy circles, making Jack mindless. When he kept avoiding Jack's nipples Jack moaned with longing, begging Ianto to give him something.

With a feral smile, Ianto continued his ministrations as he wanted to see Jack lose control. As Ianto's mouth descended on a left nipple, Jack let out a small cry of pleasure. Ianto suckled on the shirt and nipple. When Ianto thought Jack had had enough he moved to the right one. Ianto didn't want Jack to feel like he was favouring one nipple over the other so he used the thumb and finger of his left hand to flick and roll the nipple. This got a big rise out of Jack, in more ways than one. Ianto could feel the evidence of Jack's arousal against his thigh. His own erection wasn't far behind.

Jack really didn't care for the role of submissive, but he wanted Ianto to feel empowered and have his fill before Jack had his own way.

Ianto abandoned his nipple pursuit in search of the end of the t-shirt. He grabbed a fistful and tugged it out of Jack's trousers. He pulled the t-shirt up Jack's chest and looked at the veritable feast of flesh available to him.

He knelt down, levered himself into position using his hands for balance, and started to kiss Jack's abdomen and lower chest, anywhere he could reach, but he didn't venture towards Jack's waistband.

Jack was enjoying himself immensely, he loved that thing Ianto did with his tongue. But his pleasure was slowly turning to pain as Ianto refused to touch him below the waistband. Jack wouldn't last much longer.

Jack began to struggle to release his hands from his shirt, but Ianto had tangled it too tightly. He tried in vain, but the effort was futile. He thought it was time to speak up.

"Yan, you've gotta stop! I can't take much more," Jack panted.

Ianto looked up from what he was doing and said, "I disagree, I know you can."

Sensing that Jack was fighting for control, but didn't want Ianto to feel pressured Ianto sat back on his heels to look into Jack's eyes.

"I could get out the stopwatch. We could test the scenario?"

Jack knew a challenge when he heard one. Obviously Ianto was reluctant to give in to Jack's request, but by issuing a challenge he knew that Jack would back down.

"No stopwatch this time, but can we please do something about the hand issue?"

Jack turned sidewards and wiggled his bound arms as high as he could. Ianto stood up, straightened Jack back to where he had been and placed a hand Jack's hip.

"You mean _this_ hand issue?" Ianto put his other hand on Jack's opposite hip and skimmed it down the outside of Jack's thigh, causing him to shudder. Ianto's hand stopped mid-thigh, travelling towards Jack's hardness.

"I walked straight into that one, I know."

Jack closed his eyes, not because of his bad joke, but because the sensations Ianto created were so intense. He'd waited ages for this and now Ianto was pushing ahead full stream. Ianto's hand stopped just shy of touching his erection. Using his index finger, he traced light circles up and down the hardened, material covered, shaft, feeling it pulsate under his finger. Then he moved his hand to cup Jack fully.

Jack let out a deep moan. God that felt good. He was close but the urge to hold on kept him from going over the brink, pushing back some of his desire and riding on the feelings.

Keeping one hand cradling Jack, Ianto moved his other hand and managed to undo all the buttons on Jack's trousers with his agile fingers. Jack had never worn trousers with a zip before. Ianto supposed it didn't go with the whole RAF outfit, but they were a hell of a lot harder to undo.

Jack struggled anew to untangle his hands. He needed to touch some part of the man stood in front of him. Taste his shoulder, the line of his neck, something. Just thinking about it made Jack even harder, if that was possible. He'd never felt like this before. Never so helpless and at someone else's mercy, yet so turned on and excited. Only Ianto could make him feel like this.

Ianto's hands reached back to Jack's hips and quickly pulled down Jack's trousers and underwear in one swift tug. It was still amazing to Jack how he managed to do that. It was one of the only techniques Jack hadn't mastered yet.

The earlier groping, mainly on Ianto's behalf, had resulted in Ianto keeping all his clothes on. But he was feeling quite hot from the excitement, and he stepped away from Jack for a moment. He stared at Jack in all his male glory, proud and erect, taking in all the plains and angles of his body. It was always a wonder to Ianto how he managed to stay so well toned. Jack didn't use a gym, and as far as he was aware, he didn't do any home exercises either. Must be the way things were made in the 51st Century.

Ianto shed his suit jacket, waistcoat and tie, placing them over the railing just outside the kitchen area, and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

"Getting ready for some hard work Yan?" croaked Jack. His eyes had flown open when he could no longer feel Ianto's hands on him. Here he was in the kitchen, naked from the waist down, handcuffed by his own shirt and Ianto just stood and stared.

For a fleeting second Jack thought Ianto might have left him like this, in such a vulnerable position, and gone home. Gwen would get a nasty shock when she returned to work in the morning. He couldn't make it back to his office, as his pants were tight around his ankles and would have been a bit of an obstruction to walking in a straight line, but Ianto had been absorbing this image of Jack and burning it permanently in his mind.

Ianto stepped back to his original position and Jack shivered in anticipation.

"Are you okay?" Ianto's controlling façade slipped slightly, and he became a little uncertain about continuing this game. Ianto had never been a person who pushed people to obey him. He knew Jack wasn't someone who would bow down to the will of just anyone, and Ianto started pull back into himself, relinquishing the control back to Jack. Jack saw what was going on behind Ianto's eyes. He had to push Ianto into carrying on for his self esteem and confidence. Jack gestured with his head for Ianto to come closer. When Ianto was close enough, Jack leaned forward and kissed him hard. When Jack pulled back he said,

"You'd better be prepared to finish what you start. This was your idea."

Ianto smiled, reassured by Jack's actions and moved to continue the game. Reaching behind Jack's back he released his hands from his blue shirt then helped pull the t-shirt over Jack's arms and head, throwing it behind him. It ended up in the sink, but neither of them cared.

No longer a prisoner, Jack's hands took on a life of their own and roamed all over Ianto's body. They roughly grabbed Ianto's hips and crushed them to his. Jack managed to pop open several buttons of Ianto's shirt in the process. Jack ground his hips against Ianto's to remind him of the effect he had on him. The friction of Jack's sensitive skin against Ianto's trouser leg gave Jack a little of the relief he craved.

After several punishing kisses Ianto's hands went back to Jack's groin and started working their magic.

Jack stopped what he was doing and let sensation take over. He felt Ianto's hands on his body and his eyes had trouble focusing, his hands couldn't remember what they were supposed to be doing. He made a determined effort to set his mind back on track, and attacked Ianto's zipper and buttons on his trousers, sliding them down but leaving his underwear in place. Jack could see Ianto straining for release against his silk boxer shorts. If Ianto wanted that, thought Jack, he'll have to say so.

Jack continued his frenzied exploration of Ianto, tasting and sampling the places he'd constantly thought about.

Ianto's hands had had enough wandering and he slid his body down into a kneeling position. His eyes met Jack's beneath his lashes and his tongue lightly licked the tip of Jack's manhood. Jack's hands flew back to grip the work surface behind him. If Jack had tried to grab Ianto's head, he would be taking control again.

Oh the pleasure. This was more than Jack had bargained for. Ianto continued to lick the tip, continuing down the hard, yet tender fragile skin of his shaft. Jack's breathing was quick now, as if he'd just finished a sprint race. He was practically panting, his knuckles were white with the force of holding onto the work surface. He could feel his pleasure building layer upon layer, encircling him in its power. Jack couldn't fight it anymore.

As Ianto took Jack into his mouth Jack's pleasure spiralled out of control and he came with incredible force. Ianto remained where he was. It was exciting to know he'd been able to do this to Jack. It was very rare that Ianto had seen him lose control. Ianto had been the one who had affected Jack and brought him to his peak here in the Hub's kitchen, and Jack had no power to stop or prevent it.

Jack's breathing slowed to normal, and he opened his eyes to look at Ianto, while trying to gain control over his rubbery limbs, which had gone very wobbly, so he leaned heavily on the work surface for support.

"That…," Jack stuttered and was shocked his power of speech had been affected, as well as everything else.

"That… was…incredible. I have never…not ever….felt like that before."

"My pleasure," said Ianto in a small voice. He stood and turned towards the sink, putting his back to Jack, hiding a broad grin. A bubble rose up inside him filling his entire body with the feeling of elation and power. Ianto would remember this for as long as he lived.

"Technically it was my pleasure, but I think we need to move to the bedroom for it to be your pleasure. If you want to?" Jack said a little unsure why Ianto had turned away from him.

To distract himself Jack pulled up his underwear, disentangled his trousers from his ankles so he could walk without falling, and knelt to pick up his discarded shirt and trousers. He leaned forward, determined he wouldn't let Ianto pull away, emotionally from the progress they'd just made, sliding his hand into Ianto's and clasping his fingers, to tug him through the Hub, up to his office, to his living quarters. Dumping his clothes unceremoniously on the floor Jack spun Ianto round in a circle, and pulled him into his chest, swaying gently from side to side.

Ianto melted into Jack's chest. Jack's hands grasped Ianto's hand and waist, placing their joined hands over his beating heart.

"We haven't done this in a while. I think the last time was at Gwen's wedding," said Ianto softly, his head nestled on Jack's shoulder. His mind steeped in memories of the last time they had danced together.

"I know," Jack felt a little twinge of guilt as he thought about that last dance. At the time he had been jealous of Gwen's happiness, and in awe of how beautiful she looked. He had wished, just for a second that he had been in Rhys' place, placing the ring on her finger, but then he realised that he hadn't wanted Gwen. It had been Ianto he had pictured when he'd thought of being married again. Ianto's hand he'd held while reciting vows to love, honour and cherish.

They danced for a while until Jack manoeuvred his partner into a position that enabled Ianto to lie him down on the double bed in the far corner. He wasted no time pleasuring Ianto, using all he knew to gain maximum pleasure and feeling out of Ianto, but he did look to Ianto to make sure this was what he wanted. Trust, it was a mind blowing thing. But by the look on Ianto's face, Jack could have done anything.

What happened in the far corner of the bedroom rocked both their worlds, and afterwards Ianto lay wrapped in Jack's arms. He felt sheltered, protected and exhausted; Jack always made him feel this way. They were so exhausted that it took Ianto a while to figure out that the beeping noise he was hearing wasn't a dream or an alarm clock but Jack's wrist strap.

"Jack? You're beeping again," yawned Ianto. He stretched like a cat and touched the side of Jack's face in an attempt to wake him. Jack didn't stir.

"Please make the beeping stop. It's interrupting a very interesting and graphic dream," even that didn't draw to wake. Ianto did they only thing he could think of, so he leaned over the pillow they shared and kissed him. Only when he knew Jack was waking, by evidence of Jack's return of his kiss, did he pull back far enough to prevent the kiss going further, and pointed at Jack's wrist.

"Answer it."

Jack pouted playfully, and made a small growling noise, but got out of bed and put some pants on. He didn't bother to button up and he pressed buttons on the wrist strap. It was the Doctor again, he'd left another message.

Jack looked at Ianto, but his face was no emotion. He settled back down in bed and looked like he'd closed his eyes, but Jack knew he was listening and secretly watching.

"Jack! The machine again? You surprise me! I come through space and time to visit and where are you? I dread to think. I've parked the Tardis around the corner and I'll have you know I've been sat at your desk with Donna for a good 30 minutes. I could be up to anything Captain. Don't keep us waiting, we've got Cardiff to explore."

"Better not keep him waiting Jack," murmured Ianto who snuggled under the duvet and turned his back on Jack.

"If I'm up, so are you. I want you to meet him Ianto," Jack pleaded gently, pulling back the duvet, leaving a naked Ianto curled up on the bed. He gave him 30 seconds to acknowledge what he'd said.

Ianto shivered a little but made no sign of responding. Jack questioned him.

"Are you coming for a shower?"

"Nope, I'm staying right here in the bed. Asleep," said Ianto, his speech muffled by the pillow he held onto tightly.

"I wouldn't bet on it," Jack said woefully, and he scooped Ianto out of bed and slung him over his shoulder. Ianto let out a squeal of shock and annoyance at being dangled the wrong way up so late at night, and after such vigorous exercise, but could do nothing. Jack walked them both into the shower cubicle and turned the shower head to cold to wake them up.

Jack was used to the cold, but he knew it would be a shock to Ianto's system. Jack stepped under the flowing water and Ianto jumped violently. He nearly landed on the tiled floor face first, had Jack not been holding tightly. After a minute or so Jack increased the temperature and let Ianto down. He trailed down Jack's body, creating friction and sensation in equal measure. Jack's senses flared and he felt Ianto's heart beat quicken.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

They were 25 minutes later than planned, but looked happy, if a little flustered. They made their way up to Jack's office to find it empty. Frowning, Jack moved to the glass windows that overlooked the Hub, and spotted the Doctor and tallish woman, with long ginger hair he assumed was Donna Noble wandering around the desks below.

"Better get them before he causes trouble," said Jack to himself with a sigh. As much as he loved the Doctor, he was forever getting into trouble, and was frankly really nosy. Outside Jack's office walking along the gangway Jack called, "I suggest you put your hands in your pockets Doctor, before you touch something you're not supposed to."

His voice echoed around the Hub, causing two nosy people to turn quickly, only one of which looked a little guilty.

"Oh, he's always doing that. You have no idea the number of times we've had to run after he's pressed a big red button that says 'DO NOT TOUCH'. It's unbelievable!" said the rather impressive woman, loudly in a Southern accent.

"Believe me, I know," said Jack to himself. Ianto laughed despite himself.

"Come on," Jack muttered to Ianto, who followed him down the stairs. Ianto hadn't known what to expect when he saw the Doctor. He'd only seen his long, thin face in the hologram transmissions, but he hadn't expected a man in a brown pin stripped suit and long brown jacket with converse shoes to accompany it. An odd combination to be sure, and definitely not the attire he thought a master of time and space would wear.

"So this is Donna?" asked Jack. He walked up to Donna, leaned over and grasped her hand from her side. He brought the back of her hand to his lips, winked at her, causing her to blush, and kissed her hand softly.

"Stop it! She's not your type," demanded the Doctor. His eyes narrowed at Jack suspiciously.

"How do you know he's not _my_ type? You don't know my type!" said Donna indignantly. She pulled back from Jack and huffed at the Doctor while crossing her arms over her chest.

"I just know. Stay away from her Captain," he pointed his finger at Jack, "You tried it with Rose and then with Martha, but it didn't get you anywhere. Don't try it with this one."

Jack ignored the Doctor and turned to Donna.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Donna, apparently I'm going to love you," he punctuate his statement with a flirtatious smile.

"I didn't mean it like that Captain!" The Doctor glared at Jack and Donna smiled at the outrageous comment. It wasn't often devilishly handsome men flirted so much with her.

"I know. It's good to see you again Doctor," Jack stepped forward with a serious look and shook the Doctor's hand.

Ianto gave a little cough which made Jack remember introductions.

"And this," Jack stood to one side and gestured for Ianto to step forward, "is Ianto Jones. He works for Torchwood and is a very valued member of my team."

The Doctor's eyes widened in recognition of the Welshman's name.

"Ah! You're Ianto. It's very nice to meet you Ianto. I've heard a lot about you."

"You have?" Ianto was a little shocked and threw Jack a look steeped in questions.

"Seems you have the advantage. Jack's told me nothing about you! Except what I've read in Torchwood's file archive."

The Doctor threw Jack a questioning look.

"I might have mentioned you once or twice, Yan."

Jack's cheeks turned a faint shade of red and he refused to look at Ianto or the Doctor.

"It was more than once or twice Jack," said the Doctor proudly. The Doctor had never seen anything get under the Captain's unflappable nature. He knew Ianto was special but this was beyond that.

"How would you know? You weren't exactly there when I spoke about him, if I remember," claimed Jack, determined to fight his corner, oblivious to his audience.

"Martha told me, and her sister told her. I've gotta say, I did wonder if anyone would capture the wandering heart of Captain Jack Harkness," The Doctor's moved to Ianto's ear and his voice dropped to a whisper, "you kept him sane for over a year. No matter what he says, he never stopped thinking about you while he was…away from you."

"What did you just say to him?" said Jack, very suspicious.

"Nothing! It's between myself and Ianto."

"Ianto?"

"Sorry Jack. The Doctor's right. I can't tell you. It's between me and the Doctor," said Ianto cagily. The Doctor had given him something to think about when he was alone.

"So what does Torchwood do?" said Donna, shattering the tense moment.

"Let me give you the tour Donna," offered Ianto, "better let these two talk about…things."

Ianto led Donna away from the desks to the vaults, explaining what Torchwood did and its past, and how Jack's mission statement for Torchwood had changed all that. Ianto felt better about this visit from the Doctor. He would never have whispered what he had if he had designs on Jack himself. Ianto felt more secure, and knowing Jack flirted with anything that moved, Ianto knew Jack was only interested in him.

They shared a past, but Ianto was his present.

Ianto told Donna about the weevils and the rift. He talked about what he did and how he came to be in Cardiff. He never mentioned Lisa, what happened in Torchwood One, or what had recently happened to the rest of his team.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure Doc?"

"Just wanted to see…all of this," answered the Doctor waving a hand around him.

"Sure?" Jack was unsure what the Doctor would make of the years Jack had spent trying to build the Torchwood organisation into something great, in his honour.

"Yes, but you can show me around later. What have you been up to?"

"Saving the world, you know how it is," Jack put on a brave smile, but the Doctor knew something wasn't right. He just sat and waited for Jack to talk honestly.

"I see you got another assistant. She's nice. Definitely a match for you, and she seems to share your sense of humour too!"

"Nicely avoided, Jack. Do you want to talk about…whatever it is that's taken the glint out of your eye?"

"It's nothing," said Jack quietly. He turned away from the Doctor and busied himself with some nearby papers.

"Jack?" the Doctor asked questioningly. Standing, he placed a hand on Jack's shoulder. Immediately the Doctor felt a wave of pain emanate from Jack. His pain ran deep.

"Jack? What's happened? What's been going on?"

The Doctor tried to read more into the feelings he felt coming from Jack, but Jack quickly raised a brick wall denying him access. The Doctor spent several minutes trying to push through until Jack stepped away from the desk heading up the stairs. The Doctor broke away from Jack's mind giving him time and a little space to recover from his impromptu attack. The Doctor followed Jack to his office. Jack was sat in his chair with his back to the door.

"How do you do it?"

The question was asked almost on a whisper that the Doctor nearly missed it, but he had no idea what Jack was talking about.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you go about saving the world after you lose a companion? You've been together with someone for a long time and they leave, and you never see them again. How do you get past that?"

The Doctor was beginning to understand what was going on. Jack had lost someone close to him recently, more than likely someone he worked with, and he wanted to find closure. Jack wasn't going to like the answer.

"It's hard. When Rose was trapped in the parallel universe it took a long time for normality to return. She took a part of me with her, but with time it lessened. Talk to me Jack, it might help."

Jack sat heavily in his chair and started to explain how his life had been upended of late. He told him about Gray and his disappearance, John being blackmailed into destroying parts of Cardiff. He talked about his reunion with his brother and how Gray had punished him for abandonment, a punishment that echoed how Jack had spent his life since Gray had been taken.

Jack broke down half way through his account of being buried alive and what he'd done to Gray to save him from self destruction.

He wept bitter tears as he spoke about Owen's selfless act to save Cardiff from a nuclear meltdown, and his feelings of helpless as Tosh bled from Gray's fatal wound, and how he'd sat with her as she'd drawn her last breath. It was the first time he'd lost people under his command. There was Suzie, but she'd destroyed herself, twice.

Jack also told the Doctor about his arguments with Gwen and Ianto today. How hurt he'd been by their distrust. He described his feelings for Ianto, how he loved him so much but had only just told Ianto and his fear for the future. When Jack had run out of things to say, he looked to the Doctor for something, but he wasn't sure what.

"Jack, you've had it rough. I'm sorry," and the Doctor pulled Jack into a bear hug, mindless of the tears still wet on Jack's face. A hug could go a long way to fortifying the emotions of any being, even those from the 51st Century. Though the strain on Jack was immense the Doctor knew he wouldn't confide in his colleagues. No matter how much he loved Ianto, he would never burden him with feelings of this magnitude.

"Looks like you came at the right time," said Jack, his words muffled through the Doctor's jacket shoulder.

"You need to find an outlet for this. You can't have a session like this every 200 years. It's not healthy."

"I did have an outlet, but I'm a one-man guy now," he leaned back and gave the Doctor a watery smile.

"Trust you Captain. You need something more constructive."

Jack pulled back out of the Doctor's arms to look him squarely in the face.

"I enjoy sex, and I fight aliens for a living. What more is there?"

"Look deeper Jack. You'll find something. I won't always be here when you need me you know."

"Thank you. I'd offer to thank you in a different way, but I know I'm not your type."

"Jack!" The Doctor gave Jack a disapproving look, "you just said you were a one-man guy!"

"I'm kidding," Jack laughed wholeheartedly. He clapped the Doctor between the shoulder blades and thanked him again while wiping the wet line of tears from his face.

"I needed that more than I realised," he smiled, "Right, time to find where Ianto and Donna have gotten to. I know the Hub is big, but I've been talking for," Jack looked at his watch, "two hours? Wonder where they are, there can't be that much to see!"

It turned out that they were in the vaults. Donna and Ianto were sat side by side on portable chairs facing a weevil cell. The cell contained Janet. She was hunkered down on her legs, sniffing the air and watching her visitors. Donna was fascinated by Janet. When Jack and the Doctor found them they were both chattering animatedly and too wrapped up in what they were saying to pay any attention to the new arrivals in the doorway.

"They're not as bad as they look. Janet has her moods and favourite visitors, but generally she's no trouble. She's become a sort of friend I can confide in. She never talks back or gives bad advice, and if we fall out, I just bring her some extra meat and we're friends again."

Jack smiled slowly and looked at Ianto about to make a comment about the weevils, but the Doctor got there first.

"Sorry to interrupt but there's still that tour of Cardiff that was promised," the Doctor raised his voice above the chatter so he could heard. At first the noise dropped off as if a television had been muted. Ianto and Donna spun round to see Jack and the Doctor, then they both started talking in unison. They tried to fight each other verbally, to be the first to tell their companion what they had learned from their new friend.

"ALRIGHT!" shouted Jack. The noise level dropped again. When he had their full attention he started again.

"Alright! I realise you've both had an interesting morning, gossiping", Jack raised his arm and gestured between himself and the Doctor, "but it's late. Ianto, you sleep and I'm guessing you do too Donna. To be honest after the day I've had, so could I. So if the Doctor could escort Donna back to the Tardis" Ianto's eyes lit up at the name, full of excitement and wonder.

"Ianto and I will go to bed, and we'll meet you later on, when we're properly rested enough to play tour guides," Jack's eyes turned to the Doctor and he raised an eyebrow expecting the Doctor to jump to it.

"Ah yes. What a good idea Jack," said the Doctor nodding but looking as if he did not quite believe he was going to go on Jack's say so.

Ianto and Donna stood in unison, exchanged a hug, they'd become fast friends, and passing Jack and the Doctor they headed back to the Hub. Donna passed a final look at Janet, who snarled at the flurry of activity near her cell. It was the Doctor's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Do you think Ianto would be Donna's type?"

"Definitely not, Doctor. Speaking on Ianto's behalf, I think she'd be a little shocked at some of the things he can do with a feather and a stopwatch, and at the minute he has me to contend with. I'm more than enough for one person to handle – plus the fact that," Jack paused, then said in a loud whisper, "he… loves…. me."

Jack puffed his chest out proudly.

"Hmm… I know. You can see it behind his eyes, and in the way he watches you. That's why it took me and Rose so long to tame you, and Ianto took care of the rest," the Doctor smiled at Jack, winked and turned on his heel walking out of the vaults.

A little taken aback by the Doctor's comment, Jack sat on the chair Ianto had vacated. It was still warm and bore the impression of Ianto's delicious backside. He lost himself in nostalgia about his time with the Doctor and Rose.

Meanwhile Ianto, realising Jack wasn't coming to bid the Doctor goodbye, led the Doctor and Donna out onto the Plas. He expressed his joy at meeting such a bubbly and intelligent woman, like Donna, who blushed at the comment, and shook hands with the Doctor. Before he could let go of the Doctor's hand, he pulled Ianto towards him again so he could speak quietly into his ear.

"Keep an eye on him Ianto. Don't be too harsh on him about his past. It's hard for him to burden you. When he left he helped, with me, he helped save the whole world."

Ianto puzzled over what the Doctor had said as he waved his two new acquaintances bye.

He strolled back through the Hub. Noticing Jack wasn't at his desk, Ianto headed back down to the vaults. When he walked up to the open vault door he saw Jack seated in a chair facing the cell. Ianto halted to stand in the doorway, leaning against the door jam, intent on watching Jack stare into space. After a minute Ianto stepped into the corridor which caught Jack's attention.

"So…," said Ianto.

"So?" replied Jack, watching Ianto walk towards him, stopping just out of arms reach.

"How did it go with the Doctor? You were gone for some time," prompted Ianto.

"I was gone for two hours," when Ianto continued looking at Jack, he answered the question.

"Good. It went good. He…we…," Jack hesitated, not sure what to say without hurting Ianto's feelings by telling him he'd talked about all the things any normal person would tell their partner. But he wasn't normal. All the events in his life hadn't been normal.

"We…talked. About all kinds."

"Oh Jack. I'm not blind. I know when you've been crying. It makes your eyes all red, and puffy, they still are by the way, just a little. I hope he helped you talk through all the things you needed to get off your chest and we can get back to the way things were."

"Ianto, I…," Jack suddenly looked very guilty but his eyes shot to Ianto's face.

Ianto took in the guilty look and smiled, trying to ease Jack's obvious discomfort at the line of questioning. Ianto had come to accept he would never truly know Jack's soul and should just be happy with whatever Jack offered. Time, love, support, acceptance. Ianto proceeded to let Jack know it was ok if Jack chose not to burden him with his past. He knew Jack needed to talk about things he could never tell Ianto, and after meeting the Doctor, who could be better?

"I know there are things you can never tell me Jack. I'm privileged that I know as much as I do about you. There's too much in your past to explain fully. I understand we could be here till the next millennium and I still wouldn't know it all. But I realise there are things I shouldn't know, about the future, your past. Now I know you have a friend to share them with Jack. I know at least you'll get the chance to talk things through with someone. Even if that someone isn't me."

Thinking back, the Doctor must have said something to Ianto. He hadn't expected this from him, for it to be ok to offload to the Doctor. Jack's mouth moved open and shut, like a fish out of water. Ianto reached out and pulled him up, leading him upstairs to bed for sleep. The world looked better after a night's sleep. Or what was left of it any, Ianto guessed as he looked at his watch.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen **

Unpredictably Ianto woke first. He reached over to the bedside cabinet he'd installed to store some of his things, and checked the time. Jack had never needed one as he only used to sleep rarely for an hour or two at a time. But in the past 18 months Jack was sleeping for longer periods. Ianto thought it was odd he was still in asleep. It was mid-morning. No wonder he felt well rested. Ianto checked on Jack to make sure he was still asleep then crept towards the shower.

As he turned the water on there was a blast of cold that rushed through the showerhead, and Ianto stepped back quickly. A shudder ran down his spine at what he'd experienced yesterday. He only used water that was above lukewarm. Jack always kept him on his toes. He waited for the boiler to kick in and showered.

He dressed in the bathroom in the one suit he had left in Jack's bathroom. He'd have to go home and pick up some more clothes, check the post etc. He glanced at the sink and realised that he still hadn't gotten round to scrubbing the blood covered shirt and tie. Damn! They'd have to go to the dry cleaners now. It'd cost a fortune and they always came back smelling a bit funny.

As he walked out of the bathroom his eyes took in Jack, lying on his back, his arm spread across the bed as if searching for Ianto in his sleep. A white cotton sheet looked casually draped across his hips. Ianto's imagination burst to life about the ways he could wake Jack. Ianto clamped down on his desire to show Jack what he'd been thinking, and climbed the ladder through to Jack's office and into the Hub.

The first thing he noticed was the coffee machine was on and the printer was churning out rift statistics. How odd, usually it was that…remembering the time he chided himself. Of course she'd be here, it was nearly the middle of the day. Listening, Ianto heard the sound of a local radio station playing one of the day's indie classics.

Gwen suddenly came into view, walking from the autopsy bay.

Ianto raised a hand and called to her. She jolted slightly as she thought she has been alone, then she smiled at Ianto as he approached.

"Morning Gwen. Sorry I'm late. We had some visitors turn up last night, and they kept us up until the early hours."

"Not a problem. I was working on some of those artefacts that have been in storage for a while. You know, the ones we've never gotten round to. How were your guests?" asked Gwen with a raised eyebrow, obviously she'd expected trouble. Ianto smiled at her.

"You'd like Donna, she's really nice. I spoke to the Doctor too. He's not what I thought he'd be. Very strange dress sense."

Ianto confided to Gwen what the Doctor had whispered in his ear, then all the fascinating things Donna had told him about where she'd been and what she'd seen. All the aliens and planets as well as what she thought of living with the Doctor.

Ianto told Gwen about talking to Donna about Torchwood, about Jack and how Jack had once been the Doctor's companion. But he'd also told Donna that he knew very little about Jack's time with the Doctor, he never spoke about it.

Ianto also revealed to Gwen about Jack's face showing signs of crying after spending time with the Doctor and he speculated on what was said. He explained about how he'd known Jack had talked about their recent losses.

When he'd finished Gwen said, "So where's Jack now? I thought he'd be out showing the Doctor all the sights."

"I'm here" said Jack, startling both Gwen and Ianto.

"Ianto?"

Jack shot him a look which Ianto interpreted as 'why have you left me in bed, alone, instead of waking me?' Ianto ignored it and walked to get him a cup of coffee. In the kitchen Ianto found some pastries Gwen must have bought them on the way into work. He handed Jack a mug of coffee and his favourite pastry. Gwen had gone back to work so Ianto answered Jack's earlier questioning look.

"You looked peaceful and needed your rest, so I left you. By the way, you look really sweet when you sleep," he winked and walked to the tourist office.

An hour later Jack followed Ianto to the tourist office. He'd spent his time answering telephone calls, and sending emails to UNIT and the UK prime minister.

"I've spoken to Gwen. She's going to hold the fort here while we're out," Ianto's eyes clouded in confusion, "you're still up for this sight-seeing stuff right? You know more about Cardiff than anyone I know."

"I'm not sure what sights there are to see after…after what's happened. But yes I'll come. No one knows more about this city than I do."

"That's what I love about you, your modesty. We'll find something to do, I'm sure," Jack placed his hands on Ianto's cheeks and kissed him softly on the lips. He pulled back to say, "Maybe we could invite the Doctor to come visit again after the repairs are done? How would you feel about that?"

Jack knew that this was still a sore area with Ianto, but he had to ask the question while they were on the subject.

"That would be nice, Jack," Ianto replied with a smile.

Jack hadn't expected approval at his suggestions. He certainly hadn't expected a smile to go with it.

Suddenly suspicious by these turn of events Jack asked, "What's with the sudden turn around?"

Ianto's face was blank, "The change of opinion?"

Ianto wondered for a second if he should tell Jack, what the Doctor had said to him. He thought maybe Jack should know the reasons behind his new feeling for the Doctor. In a split second he knew that this wasn't the time to tell Jack. So instead he decided to answer obscurely.

"I believe, or I have reason to believe that if you ever tried to leave me, to be with the Doctor again, I don't think he'd let you stay very long. I believe you've loved me for a while. I know this because Martha Jones and the Doctor knew you loved me before you realised it."

Confused by Ianto's cryptic words, Jack decided not to contradict them. He wanted today to be a good day for everyone, without any undercurrents of tension, so he changed the subject.

"So what's the best way to see this city?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

For once they walked hand in hand across the Plas, to where the Doctor had indicated he'd parked the Tardis.

The day was nice out. The sun was high in the sky, making the afternoon seasonably warm, there was also a slight cool breeze that swept along the bay, but it didn't detract from the warm weather.

When they reached the big blue Police box, Ianto took a deep breath, in preparation of what he was about to see. After all the stuff he'd read from the Archives and the information Donna had shared he was prepared for anything.

Jack opened the top button of his shirt and reached beneath his white t-shirt. He pulled out a long piece of string, with a key dangling from the end. From the looks of it Ianto discerned it was for a Yale lock, and as Jack fitted the key to the lock on the Tardis door, he thought he heard the box sigh softly, as if welcoming home an old family member.

"Prepare yourself Ianto. It's bigger on the inside. Just remember that," Jack warned him. He had wanted to see Ianto's surprised look when he'd opened the door, but he didn't have the heart to spring that big a bombshell on him.

Jack turned the key until he heard the satisfying opening click, and rubbed his hand on one of the door panels, like an affectionate pat between old friends. He pushed the door open and gestured for Ianto to go first.

Ianto was excited but hesitant. He pushed himself forward and forced his legs to move over the threshold.

Suddenly he was through the door and, even with prior information, he let out a large gasp at the sight before him. It was inconceivable. He never dreamed it would look like this. The space was so big! He wanted to step out the door just to check he wasn't being fooled, but Jack was behind him, ushering him in further.

"I did try to warn you," Jack laughed out loud at the look on Ianto's face.

Donna had explained too Ianto, but now Ianto could see words were not sufficient enough to convey the awesome size of the inside compared to the outside. It reminded him of the bag Julie Andrews always carried in Mary Poppins. It was big enough to carry lamps and rugs on the inside, but on the outside it was just a normal bag.

Jack steered Ianto onto the ramp that led to the console in the centre of the room. The place was empty, but Jack knew the Tardis would alert the Doctor to their presence.

"Jack, this is… this place is breathtaking."

"You should have seen my face when I was first invited aboard. After all I'd seen with the time agency, I never dreamt of seeing this amazing beauty," said Jack wistfully.

Before Ianto could have a proper nosey around the Doctor came bounding out of, seemingly nowhere, closely followed by Donna. They exchanged pleasantries then the Doctor took Ianto on a tour which he could tell he'd been bursting to ask for, while Donna and Jack got acquainted.

"So…Donna. How did you meet the Doctor?"

Donna looked at Jack with a wide knowing smile. Jack could tell straight away that this was going to be a long story.

"Well… I was about to get married to someone I used to work with. While walking down the aisle, I was transported here, to the Tardis. The Doctor was _not_ happy to see me, I can tell you! I was all kitted out, the white dress and veil and all that. I looked a bit of an idiot now I come to think about it. But it turned out that my fiancée was in league with a huge underground half human, half spider – the Racnoss? It wanted to destroy the Doctor and me at Christmas. The Doctor being the Doctor saved me. It would have been funny if they hadn't tried to kill us both. And there were these…Santa robots and deadly spinning trees at my reception.

Donna realised that she had been ranting a bit.

"Anyway, once we'd saved the world, I went back to live with my granddad and mum. A year later I saw him again in this building, in London. Well not in it...he was scaling the outside in one of those window cleaning machines?" Jack laughed at this, "Turns out we're quite good at saving the world together."

"What did you do before you met the Doctor?" asked Jack.

"Oh I was a temp from Chiswick. A nobody. It changed my life meeting the Doctor. I couldn't imagine going back to working in an office, five days a week. Not when I could be exploring planets with him, saving lives, and living."

"It's odd," said Jack, "that you met him again a year later. It's taken me over 100 years to meet the Doctor again."

"I know! But these things happen. To be honest, I was investigating strange goings on in the vain hope that I would meet him again; just happened to be in the right place at the right time. At first he wasn't happy to see me, but I knew things about what was going on that he knew nothing about. We ended up saving the Adipose children, but not their nanny, Miss Foster. Then I couldn't not go with him, it was like fate had pulled us together.

Erm…What did you mean? About it taking you 100 years to meet the Doctor again? Are you serious? You're like, over 100? You're looking really good!" Donna's eyes bulged a little when she said the words one hundred.

"Thank you," Jack was warming to Donna. No wonder Ianto had taken a shine to her. She was an interesting individual.

"So _captain_. How did you meet the Doctor? Ianto told me you were a companion once."

Jack looked at Donna, and thought hard about the question. She confused people by talking a lot then slipped in a personal question, typical woman. Jack wanted to tell Donna, he didn't know why but he seemed compelled. She'd understand, as Martha and Rose had, but Jack knew if Ianto and Donna were friends, then he should at least tell Ianto first before he told Donna. Especially as he was working on their 'trust' issue. Jack was saved from telling Donna anything as the Doctor and Ianto returned from their tour. Ianto's eyes were wide with excitement and his cheeks were flushed.

Jack turned to Donna and said in a quiet voice, "I'll tell you some other time."

"Let's get this tour underway lady and gentlemen, allons-y."

The Doctor gave them no time to say anything else as he walked them out of the Tardis door. His companion and two friends had to trot hurriedly after him before they lost sight of him. Once outside, Ianto efficiently took over from the Doctor and started their tour of the city.

Ianto took them around Cardiff Bay, where they peered into the small unique shops and cafes. He told historical tales about the marina and buildings that were there before the age of mass hotel building had taken over. They walked around the Millennium Centre, the town hall and the National Assembly building. A flash of Torchwood ID got them through the security without having to queue or be scanned. The Bay alone took up what remained of the morning.

Ianto then directed them back to the front of the Millennium Centre to get on a big red bus, renowned for their guided city tours. Safely on the bus, with Ianto taking care of the tickets with the conductor, he let them sit where they want, and helped them plug in their complimentary ear phone so they could hear the automated history lessons being given as they passed each significant tourist attraction.

Once settled, this gave Ianto time to relax and take in the scenary without having to do much work. It was a little chilly on the bus, as the Doctor had made sure they sat on the top deck, so they could get an unobstructed view.

It felt good to feel Jack's hard thighs squashed intimately against his own, even though Jack's objective was to stay seated on the hard bench and not slip off as the bus took the turns in the road viciously. Ianto felt Jack struggle to get comfortable, his shoulders were hunched to give Ianto some breathing room between himself and the window of the bus. Taking pity on Jack, Ianto lifted Jack's left arm over his head so Jack's arm stretched over the back of seat, leaving Ianto free to spread out a little and lean against Jack's warmth at the same time.

At first Jack was baffled by Ianto's movements, but when he realised he relished the move. They were hugging, on a bus, travelling through the middle of Cardiff. He didn't really have any inclination to look out the window, as he had the best view of all sat beside him.

The Doctor and Donna had seated themselves right at the front of the bus, and were so engrossed in what they were seeing they didn't notice the move.

Ianto thought about taking the Doctor and Donna to see the castle, but he halted the words before they were out of his mouth. He couldn't do it to Jack, the place still held painful memories. The place where he saw Cardiff explode, in several powerful explosions as he watched and had no control over stopping or preventing the devastation. No, they wouldn't be going to the castle. Not today anyway.

After 30 mins of cuddling, and a bit of necking, they jumped off the bus outside the Millenium stadium and Donna just took in the sheer size of it. They waited for a guide to become available in the foyer of the grand stadium. Donna and the Doctor oohed and ahhed over trophy cabinets and photos while Jack made comments about legs and arses of players past and present.

They ended the day back down at the bay, transport taken care of by their favourite red bus tour. They found a small restaurant that neither Ianto nor Jack had yet visited, as it hadn't been open long.

"Thank you for today. I know it was hard work, but you did really well. Maybe you missed your calling as a tour guide. All you needed was a big red umbrella so we could all spot you if we got lost," the Doctor said in a complimentary tone as they secured a table, and ordered drinks.

Ianto laughed softly, adding a playful tone to his voice "I think you might be right Doctor. But if I hadn't missed my calling, then what would Jack do without me?"

Ianto left the question open ended, and didn't expect any response.

"I don't know Ianto. What I do know is that I'm glad you fought to be a member of my team. I can honestly say I've never said this before, but ...that pterodactyl brought us together, which is why she now gets premium meats not the cut off stuff."

Stunned by Jack's answer but pleased, Ianto laced his fingers with Jack's under the table.

The rest of the meal went by quietly, with lots of laughter and sharing of old tales, mostly from Jack and the Doctor. Ianto was very comfortable, sitting there, sipping a glass of red wine. Something he hadn't done, probably since their first date. It was nice. Ianto hoped that there would be more moments like this, when the Rift wasn't throwing out problems for them to deal with.

Donna nudged the Doctor after dessert, giving him a subtle head nod, indicating that they should get back, and leave both men to the rest of their evening. Just as subtly the Doctor nodded his head in agreement.

"Well gentlemen, this has been a marvellous day. We've enjoyed ourselves immensely, but we should be getting back. Donna needs her beauty sleep, but we were thinking about staying another day...if that was alright with you? See a little more of the city."

Before Jack could answer, Ianto jumped in, "We'd love to take you out again tomorrow. Maybe we could start a little earlier, rift permitting, and take you both down to the beach? I'm sure it's not often that you drive around anywhere. It'd be a shame not to see all the mountains on the way to the beach, instead of using the Tardis."

"I second that," said Jack, smilingly.

"Well it seems that we have a consensus. What time should be turn up?"

"We'll pick you up. What time Jack? 9am sound okay?"

"Sounds great. We'll bring the SUV, Doctor you will love her, she has all the latest features."

So they bid each other good night, went their separate ways, and enjoyed another restful night.


End file.
